I wish I had more to say. I wish I had more to write, to enlighten myself with and everyone else. I wish I could do so many cool things, to have amazing pictures to show off, adventure stories.
With the school year almost half way completed, I just work and go home. My students are amazing. A constant blessing, a challenge, my best friends. They push me to be a better teacher, and a nicer person. I have to strategize lessons, what my students abilities are, and connect them to the other class for "same same". I had my first birthday in a foreign country. And I was lucky enough to gather some coworkers to come with me. Enjoyed beef finally. And just chilled. Really. That's the type of person I am. I just like to sit and talk and talk. Not really going out, bar to bar, club to club, drinks after drinks. Not my thing. But I was able to be me on my birthday. It gave me a lot of time to think and explore my thoughts; to voice my opinion out loud and just simple vent and had three brave, smart, and strong women all give me their ideas. Their advices, worse of wisdom. And it helped. Coming here, I thought it would be rainbows and butterflies. A land that would be so easy and almost exactly like home, but asian. And it's really not the case one bit. About 7 days ago I got extremely ill. To the point where I decided to call off work and go to the hospital. They didn't know what was wrong with me, they couldn't help me and I couldn't afford it. "Dehydration, dehydration, just drink water" That wasn't it. The next day I was in serve pain. So much pain I had to call out of work again, two days in a row. I couldn't make it to the elevator. I could barely walk or move. And all I could do was cry. Cry and be alone. I went to a different hospital, this time with workers from my school, and I had to be admitted overnight. I've never had to stay in a hospital before. I had to get an IV, and in 6 hours, I took two whole bottles of IV fluid. I got my blood drawn for the first time too, and I'm deathly afraid of needles. All this time, I'm asking strangers to hold my hand, while I'm laying down, crying, when all the staff is speaking in tongues that I don't understand, and I'm completely alone. And, I don't think I've ever considered how alone and isolating being here is. Thailand is kicking my ass. And it's not the job; I kick the jobs ass. But its the culture, the shock, the smells, the heat, the food. It's wanting simple things, like beef or pepperjack cheese. And it's crazy. It's wanting to know your test results in english, and telling the doctor your symptoms so they understand how you're feeling and how to help. It's a giant adjustment. I turned out to be fine, just "bacteria' they said. A little piece of bacteria fucked me up for 7 days. And I am so cautious. I don't eat street food, I cook my own meals from imported grocery stores. And I still landed in the hospital. Something I've learned about myself is that I am the type of person who likes to run away. Fights with my parents, I've ran away to the tree, or to a friends. The first time I got drunk in college, I booked a flight back home. And now, I'm going back to Hawaii in five days. Only for fall break. But maybe to clear my head. I've been away from America since June 24th. 4 months. I didn't have a sight in return. Because Sammy IS COMING TO THAILAND FOR CHRISTMAS!! Then I won't be alone to go off and explore. But that also meant, when would I be able to see home next? Why not for fall break. I'll come back to Thailand. At least finish the year, if I keep having a hard time, I might not make it to the two. The masters was the reason I accepted. But, life, my happiness, my health, friends, relationships, my cat, are all so much important to me than an experience away for so long.. I have met some great people here, people who saw me in the hospital, who brought me soup to my apartment. It's just not like the people and the friends you make at home. And I'm not giving up. I don't care if anyone becomes disappointed in me. Because even saying I taught abroad for 2 months, 4 months, 1 year, it will all look incredible. But if I decide that two years is too much misery, that's my choice. However, I can't wait to eat taco bell, and pizza rolls. A PSL!!! To go to target. I am going to kiss the ground. Hopefully I can come back energized and refueled.
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AuthorMy name's Mykayla. I'm from the beautiful state of Oregon. Archives
November 2019
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