Thailand has been giving me the best and worse of itself. Everywhere smells like ass, it’s dirty. I’m like the least pro American person, but I really miss America. I miss the food, the land, the smells, the accessibility, the English. I miss not sweating my ass off, wearing short shorts and showing my shoulders or those cute shirts that are meant to show off your bra. I fucking miss the apple store and having normal voltage. My laptop makes a static electricity feeling, the way it would if you were sliding down a slide, except, you can feel it all over the metal body of the computer. At the Apple retell store, it charged fine. With my cord, with their cord. At a local coffee shop, it charges okay. Only feeling the buzz around the charging side. But it’s on a metal table…. Idk if that has anything to do with it. But I really don’t know what to do, I don’t want to fry the inside or cause an electrical burst. It could be my apartment, but no one here speaks English. They probably wouldn’t be able to understand me. And, I just want to travel, but like, not in Asia. Bali sounds cool, trying authentic Pho in Vietnam does too. But damn, I need some cheese and taco bell. I want to be near the ocean and see historic ruins of Rome or the old European culture. I want to see the Swiss Alps and I want to go to Greece and to Malta and I want a monte carlo night in Spain and I want to see the crique rivera and eat pasta. Idk. Maybe I'll try to go to Bali or India or to see the great wall of China. Am I too set in my American fat ways to understand and accept, the differences here? I mean, I like the culture, I like the history, but I can’t stand that ass smell. Everywhere smells so bad. It’s the pollution, it’s the ass fruit called Durian, but it actually doesn’t taste as assy as it smells. The streets are so dirty here that you just walk on black sludge all over the road and the sidewalks. The air pollution is so bad everyone wears masks and sometimes it administered to you. I’m worried for my grad school classes because then I’ll need a laptop that doesn’t make this stupid buzzing and weird touching sensation. And I’m not sure what else I can do about it. It’s like crying over spilt milk; I got my laptop professional fanned and cleaned. Now it's July 29th And some other things have happened since I have typed the above. I couldn't pay my electricity bill, and when I was trying to figure out why with the thai speakers at my school, they ended up throwing me on a motorcycle, and hand delivering me to the company to pay my bill. It still couldn't be paid, but it was my first time on a motorcycle in Bangkok and it's nice to have a whole army behind your back. I was also able to get my classroom painted blue and purple, and I was able to make myself my own little corner and get all my decorations up nicely. It's coming along nicely but I could've had the same in like America. I really miss hawaii, and I haven't had beef since I've moved here, I want a cheese burger. People keep asking me if I'm English, I guess, because of my hair (????) I don't look American but when I open my mouth, "Thats real American". Two people have thought I'm from London. This past weekendWas a turn of events. My good friend Christina from Las Vegas, convinced me to go to an Island. Our hotel was $30 american, our grey hound bus (basically what it was like, a charter of some kind) was only $7.50 and our ferry ride was $1.50. And we went to a tropical Island. Ko Samet was a very relaxing place, and it wasn't as hot as Bangkok. There was wind, and the ocean. In this part of Thailand, you can wear tank tops and shorts and it just feels more relaxed. Made me really miss Hawaii and I'm getting pretty tired of not being able to wear what I want in this heat. Something I have to remind myself, or maybe get tattooed so I remember, WHEN TRAVELING IN ASIA, B R I N G TOILET PAPER!This is not the one that was a dirt hole to pee in, with a wash bucket and a scoop, this has a nice shower head to wash the poop and pee off you. But like, are you suppose to walk around with water dripping off your legs? How does that work? Should I carry a towel with me? IDK HOW TO USE THESE THINGS. Should I stand on it, it looks like it has feet platforms, do I squat, or sit because I could just hose off? Someone help me. And if you've never had to use a toilet like this before, you are a blessed American. The point I guess I just want to get across isI am not brave.
Stop calling me brave for moving to Thailand. It doesn't make me brave for coming here. Bravery is fighting for our country, and going out to prevent crime and to fight for justice. I was paid to move here. With a benefit package and a free masters. It's different, it's Asia, never in a million years would I have ever speculated that I would live in Asia, but being here does not make me brave. And to you all, it might look cool that I'm over here, but I'm not enjoying it or taking risks. I'm in love with the idea of seeing the world, of exploring the history of civilizations that were around when "Jesus" was or even before. And I think anyone can do this. Without having a piss poor attitude the way I do. I think anyone can travel or live abroad. There's really nothing stopping anyone, bravery isn't a factor.
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My mom said this blog is like reading my diary.I'm trying to change, and grow, To focus on myself and who I want to become, reaching to what I want in my future. To change my life style, eating habits, vocabulary, and out look. I see myself 5 years from now, happily married, enjoying my life. OR, happily drinking wine with all of my beautiful, sweet, loving cats. AND, I don't always want to be this negative. Negative about sweating all day, everywhere, walking long distances in the Thailand humidity, getting the wrong couch delivered (which is part of the reason why I picked this apartment, so I could have a new couch, but now the walking to the train is pissing me off and the wrong color is really pissing me off and I wish I could move already but oh well SOL), or being spooned by sweaty gross old men who jump on the train at the last possible second, skipping the line, when there is n O r O o M f O r T h E m. Having them press their gross old man bodies against every crease of your back side. I will never ever ever MISS riding the train to work in the morning. Have you seen videos of Japanese citizens getting pushed into trains? www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwVeORvtkb0 It's almost like that in Thailand too. Except dripping sweat and touching other sweaty bodies ((((: WHAT I LOVESomething that is SO SO SO AMAZING is that CHILDREN ARE THE SAME EVERYWHERE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. HAWAII, OREGON, THAILAND, KOREA, JAPAN, CHINA, MEXICO. CHILDREN ARE SO FUNNY AND SMART AND EAGER TO LEARN AND HAVE FUN. It's so amazing to witness and see that kids everywhere are the same. They laugh, giggle, don't eat certain foods, can't sit still, knows what bad behavior is, are sensitive, and creative. It's literally influences that shape a child. Every child we meet, we have a part to play. We have to inspire, encourage and reenforce good, loving and strong behavior. We absolutely cannot dismiss a child. Or when a kid has something important to tell us, and adults shove them to the side, that destroys them. It's literally the world and people that can take something so pure and then ring it into something that could be catastrophic. So farI've gone to street markets, rode a tuktuk, dyed all of my white clothes blue on accident, ripped a pair of pants from the crotch to my knee while out and about, and spilled some water onto my mac book; which works but the fan was sooo loud when I had my gopro plugged in. I'm not sure what I did that gave me this bad karma, but I'm hoping for a different turn of events. 9 days in a foreign country, I've done it before, I've spent two weeks in Europe, but this.... this is different. I still have a two year contract, from August 2018, to June 2020. I have nothing but countless time on my own, to think. I just want to thank everyone for reading this blog. In the beginning it was just a spot for me to write my thoughts and for me to remember my trip but now it’s turned into a way of me showing the world a different country. But at the same time, I want this to be a safe place for me to recount my memories, to vent, to remember my time here and to grow and self reflect as a person. A lot of the stuff I write in here is going to be personal, and a lot of you are going to see me in a different light through this. I think people can hide behind words, they can sit behind a computer screen and become a person who maybe they won’t act like or seem like in person. A screen is the way to give yourself a new identity; like how when you’re with different people you wear a mask, you can act like one person with someone else, and then a completely other way with a different person, different friends you can act one way, do something, talk or say something that you wouldn’t around someone else. I don’t want to have a mask here. I want to be open and honest, and truthful. My mom has always told me that I have a sharp tongue. That I’m very blunt. That I don’t know how to control myself or my mouth, how to not say things so rudely and that I really need to just watch my tongue. So be prepared to hear things that are witty, bitchy, and 100% honest. Throughout my life thus far I have learned that in the world, if you are honest, people aren't always going to like it. People will try to argue with you, people will be rude to you, and sometimes being honest and saying the truth is actually worse than it is to lie, and it’s worse because people will be upset with you, because you’ll disappoint someone, and people just might not like what you have to say. People won’t agree with you, and if your opinion is different than someone else’s, then god damn, you are a sinner and the living proof of what is wrong and chaotic in this hell we call earth. I’ve grown up in a world where people always have a cell phone in their hand. If that child is crying, shove an iPad in their face, put a movie on the tv for god sakes, give that child a phone to entertain themselves with. I’ve been in a generation where young girls could be texting the boy that you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with all night long, midnight, 3am up to 5am, and then the next moment they could be laying on the bathroom floor crying, thinking that their life is going to end. I’ve seen friends come and go. The people who you thought were going to be at every milestone. It is SO COMMON to take a phone out and not be PRESENT in the world. WHEN DID WE STOP LIVING LIFE? WHY CAN'T WE EAT FOOD WITHOUT TAKING ITS PICTURE? WHY DO WE HAVE TO GET DRESSED UP AND POST A PICTURE? And you know what, I have had grades been knocked down because someone doesn’t like where I’m from, I have had to stand up for myself and fight for my voice, and in the process I have learned to just shut up and be quiet. To accept things that are not fair. I have learned that no one really seems to care what I have to say, because I am not as smart as that girl who is always in her text book, that maybe I’m not gonna do anything good in the world because I say the word fuck, and Jesus won’t let me into heaven. Why does everyone give a crap about what other people, do say, wear or believe in? Why can't we all just agree not to agree and get the fuck along? And you know what? I never would’ve thought that I would be here in Thailand one day teaching. That I COULD, no: THAT I AM changing the lives of kids all over the entire world, the WHOLE universe. Children from all over the place. Children who can’t speak English. Children who are from Madagascar, China, Japan, Taiwan, Korea, Switzerland, Thailand, Micronesia, American Samoa, Malaysia, Russia, Spain, ALL parts of the United States, east coast, west coast, south, upper, anywhere in between. And you KNOW why? Because I was called dumb, worthless and stupid before, because no one thought I was smart because of how I acted or who I was, or where I came from. And now I’m here. I’m here, in a foreign country, typing, behind my computer screen, WILLING to have people read this, and judge me. To despise me, ridicule me and disagree with me. We're set off to work every day, to be judged, damned and hated by anyone who disagrees with us and then we die. That someone knows something so incredibly right, and you're just wrong. To have someone else's OVER BEARING opinion, being thrown down your throat. I HATE THAT. I hate PEOPLE who think they are always right, that it's this way or the highway. People who make others feel like we're worthless. That humans are not individuals. And being in a different country, seeing their daily life, being submerged into their culture and world, I've seen that being from America gives you such power. If I wave my American passport, I have a get out of jail card. I have a higher power than you. Which is good, I'm blessed, lucky even to be where I'm from. I miss the food and people, freedom, daily life. I wish we could take places and good parts from each country and blend them together to make one whole peaceful, coexisting place. Rant over. SryNotSry.I'm here to show you a different country, not my 4am thoughts. Thailand is a very educated country and even more advanced in some ways than America is in areas. The door to my apartment is programmed to my finger print. It has an alarm system and a touch screen passcode, I pet my door to wake it up. Others, is a giant, old victorian fashioned type of key. Very advanced. Another example, the air train. It above the roads, the building. Its light weight like the max, comes every couple minutes and the tickets to get on is like a key card. Very efficient, good for the environment, and makes commuting okay. There's an app called FoodPanda, and they bring you whatever food you want, right to your door step. From street carts, to high end chains. Thailand still has a hard working ethic value on life. People work on their feet all day, walking around, not really driving or being lazy. There are carts and tents everywhere, with old grandmas and grandpas selling traditional cooked food, clothing, or other goods. There are fruit stands that smell like rotting flesh from being out in the 100 degree heat all day. And some places, honestly, smell like absolute shit. Most people, speak English and take education very seriously. Teachers are looked up upon. Everyday since teaching, I am "Teacher", I don't lift a finger, if I make a print, an assistant goes to get it, if I try to pass out paper to the class, it's taken from me and someone else does it. I can't pick up toys, I can't really do anything beside give a lesson. Like a God or something. I've stayed late planning, printing and preparing and I get thrown out of the building, "TEACHER, GO HOME TEACHER. TEACHER TIME TO LEAVE TEACHER". The grocery stores are very slim. There's no frozen chicken, fresh meat as in Hamburger, Steak, ribs, chicken, microwave meals are NOT a thing, no hot pockets, pot pies. No chip/snack isle, no breakfast cereal or granola bars. No yogurt section. Eggs are left unrefrigerated and come in wild colors like green, or pink, and milk has a SHELF life, and is not refrigerated either. There is again, no hamburger or chicken in the meat section. There is some fish heads, fish skins, some squid, other sea creatures and a whole wall of what looks like hot dogs, but is spicy type of pork chicken packed items, sausage maybe? (Cat, dog, rabbit? IDK). There are even some people however, who can't say a single word in English and look at you like you flew out of the birds nest. But, I miss American food SO MUCH. I just want a pancake or some instant oatmeal, or even mac and cheese, pizza rolls, cheddar cheese. I miss not walking anywhere, I miss not constantly dripping sweat. My feet hurt, I'm tired, these mosquitos are fucking vampires, and this bed is rock hard. Differences are huge between here and America. Is this country any less than the one I'm from though? Absolutely not. However, I do want and wish I was at home. That I got a normal, American teaching job. Right now is a huge, depressing, and major adjusting time. But, I'm getting a masters for this, and it's honestly whats making me hold on. Here are some pictures; |
AuthorMy name's Mykayla. I'm from the beautiful state of Oregon. Archives
November 2019
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