Some days are so great and well, you remember to stop and smell the roses, look at your surroundings and be present and focused in the moment.
Other days, you forget to take out your retainer, wake up late for work, get pushed up against a million sweaty bodies, and then just cry at work. But honestly, those are the days that make up life and each individual has a choice to make for that day. You have a choice to be a loyal friend or partner. You have a choice to tell the truth and be honest to someone. You have a choice to be that shoulder a person needs. Or you can make the choice to tell bits a pieces of a story to certain people; you have the choice to paint others in a light that might not reflect both sides. You have a choice to offer yourself and services and then turn around and say it was forced or asked when someone could've simply offered. Life is full of choices. I for one, and not many others might believe so, but I do truly think our guardian angles bring people into our lives. Our souls match others. Everyone we encounter in our life is for a reason, or a lesson. Such small impactful things are truly gigantic, if not in our own lives but theirs. On my recent trip across Thailand with my sister I was able to appreciate the small things. I love being able to accept and learn about other cultures, the ways other people think. Being American, we are so truly blessed to have the resources and freedoms that we do. In other countries, even clean air is a source to be cherished. Drinking water isn't free. And there's no retirement ages, no maternity leave. Simple things we take for granted. The places and people I've come a crossed have truly impacted my life and person. Shaping me into who I am, how I think, what I believe, and what I value. I made a spur of the moment decision and got a Thai Sak Yant tattoo. A HAH TAEW. I was going through some pretty heavy life changes, was looking for a purpose, a reason, hope. And even though I am not Buddhist, I'm not even sure if I'm catholic, but I decided to get it and live by it's rules. A Sak Yant is an old Monk Prayer in the Monk language. Traditionally, monks would use a bamboo needle and type in the prayer on their people. Monks in the current day, can tattoo women, but traditionally they cannot. I didn't get mine from a monk, but the meaning is still there and they used the bamboo stick. I decided to get the 5 lines, each line is a prayer and meaning that protects and guides the idvidual; The 5 lines of script (transcribed) used in the original Hah Taew design are: 1. i ra cha ka ta ra sa 2. ti hang ja toh loh ti nang 3. soh ma na ga ri tah toh 4. pi sam lah loh pu sa pu 5. ka pu bam too tahm wa ka Hah Taew, represents 5 yants or magical spells. Each one will be done individually and the following magical spells have been cast to do as described below. 1. The first row prevents unjust punishment and leans in your favor when the area is grey, cleans out unwanted spirits and protects the place you live in. 2. The second row reverses and protects against bad horoscope constellations and bad fortune. 3. The third row protects you from the use of black magic and anyone who tries to put a curse on you. 4. The fourth row energizes your good luck, success and fortune in your future ambitions and life style. 5.The fifth row is to gain charisma and attraction to the opposite sex. It is also is a boost to the fourth row. So I figured why not??? Those are good things to have in life, and if I believe in the magic, or just need something to believe in to help me get through this period of my life, W H Y N O T Once a person gets the Hah Taew, you have to follow rules to make sure the magic is still there, so simple things like, do not murder, do not tell lies, do not get overly drunk, do not cause harm or ill wishes, do not wish bad about your parents, do not be unfaithful or break a marriage, do not steal, walk under underwear or do evil deeds. All pretty good and general things to live by for the average good human being. It's also pretty cool to see how the two places I've lived, Hawaii and Thailand sort of connect. I got my tattoo by a tapping of bamboo; each time the needle was pressed into the ink then into my skin. Hawaiians and traditional Polynesians get tattoos the same way, but Hawaiians use like a bone or a fish something to get the ink then tap into the skin. Why not right? When in Asia. When in Thailand and when trying to become the best version of yourself. Like Honestly, I want to be a person that no one from my past knows or recognizes. Someone who certain people have never known, touched, or loved. Someone so different, powerful, and happy. I've gotten two new students this week, and started going to a cross fit class. I don't know, life is always on the up and up ;0
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By accepting the job in Thailand, I thought it would make me a better person.
I was so encouraged to come here. People were so proud of me. But when I got here, the change was too big. Having everything I ever wanted in my hands, and having it ripped away from time differences, miles, language barriers, culture shock, was so over whelming. Trying to find the good things and battle my own demons was something I couldn't even handle. I thought I was alone, I was scared, I got anxiety. It all made me think and rethink about my life and how I ended up here. Somewhere in my college career I lost myself, I lost my self esteem, my pride. I forgot who I was. I was using all the negativities of my life and surroundings to influence me. When I was or could have been in control. I think back to my college roommates, how their actions made me feel when it was nothing to do with me and didn't affect me. I think back to my teaching practices, how it wasn't my style, how the people weren't friendly or helpful. I let those things affect myself. I let others change me. And then I think about the past year. I have never been that depressed in my life. Of course, I have had depression spells, thoughts about dying before, but not as often as I did in the last 16 months. And why? I had everything materialistically a person could want, I had a home, food, transportation, communication, friends. I was and am trying to not be, addicted to the negative parts of life. I was focused and consumed by the negative thoughts. Like if I only focused on bad and negative, I would never get upset or hurt if the good went away. And in the end, it was self sabotage. I am not the same person I was when I started college, I'm not the same person I was a year ago, and now I am not the same person I was the day before. Someone told me, "Hindsight is always 20/20". But after the clarity, the realization, the growing, the changing, what? It's for nothing? That was how I viewed it. I let environmental factors dictate and control me. But now I can control myself. I can make myself happy, I can be positive and see the good, and I am damn proud of myself. Everything I have battled up until this point was for a purpose, and a reason. A lesson. And why I'm still here to tell the tale is because I am strong enough to handle it, and it was suppose to happen. I believe I was meant to end up in Thailand. To become cultured, explore and meet amazing people from all over the world. I was meant to battle my demons and things were put into my life because it's what I needed at the moment, and when those experiences or people pass, it means it no longer serves a purpose or meaning in my life. Thus far in 2019, my sister and I have travelled from the top of Thailand, all the way down to the bottom. We met crowds of people from all over the world. Some good and genuine human beings. People who share the same beliefs, people who have the "Travel Bug". Random strangers told me countlessly, how proud there are of me, for moving to a different country, where the language isn't even the same, how they are so proud and that I'm so brave, and strong and good. And I'm fucking proud of myself too. I wanted things and people to make me be a "better person", when in reality, it's all how I can change to become who I want. True change is Identity change. You can't change actions, feelings, to become someone it's the habit of doing. Identity comes out of the changes you become and do. Everything is possible. When you cut out negative thoughts and behaviors, your world changes. These things that you thought were so bad, the habits change. Sometimes realizations like this are too "late", but it's never too late to become a better person. To find yourself, who you want to be. I do not want to be that girl who is so sad, hating everything, regretting change, sucking out positivity to produce negative. I am going to be the girl who embraces new opportunities, creates her own positivity and happiness, and strives to be 1% better everyday. I think when someone is brave, and mature enough to see wrong doings and takes an action plan to fix, and better themselves and life, then that person is 100% capable for new beginnings and second changes. Second chances should be rewarded if the person sees what they were doing wrong and are actively trying to fix, correct and make better. Chances shouldn't be given with no signs of progress, because of the fear things could go back to how they were. You know, I'm just a girl. I admire people who stick with each other at the low points of life, people who have been together since high school. It's amazing how two people can pick each other and say "that's the one I'm never giving up on", when you can stay by someones side during their bad mental health days, poverty, madness, sickness. People who never give up, no matter how hard it is. Because bad times don't last. And love, matching another persons soul, is so much more important and worth it than the fights and arguments and things that can't be changed. Emotions are so powering and it takes years and work and effort and practice to control those "outbursts", but love is always worth it in the end. Growing and changing together with someone, loving the same person 8 different times, for the 8 different versions of themselves over a life expand, is truly remarkable. And to me, that's the purpose, the reason of life. To love fully, more than anything. To never give up on a person you love. To help grow, inspire and change together. Two best friends on the same side. Going through the bad times, hard times, but always wanting and striving to reach that high but together. I don't think distance could have a factor in ending something that was so real and strong. People change. They change on their own though. You can't make anyone else change or become someone else. It is truly that individual. Their actions, responses. They are in control of themselves.... 2019 will be a lot of self growth, reflecting and changing. |
AuthorMy name's Mykayla. I'm from the beautiful state of Oregon. Archives
November 2019
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