9 days in a foreign country, I've done it before, I've spent two weeks in Europe, but this.... this is different. I still have a two year contract, from August 2018, to June 2020. I have nothing but countless time on my own, to think. I just want to thank everyone for reading this blog. In the beginning it was just a spot for me to write my thoughts and for me to remember my trip but now it’s turned into a way of me showing the world a different country. But at the same time, I want this to be a safe place for me to recount my memories, to vent, to remember my time here and to grow and self reflect as a person. A lot of the stuff I write in here is going to be personal, and a lot of you are going to see me in a different light through this. I think people can hide behind words, they can sit behind a computer screen and become a person who maybe they won’t act like or seem like in person. A screen is the way to give yourself a new identity; like how when you’re with different people you wear a mask, you can act like one person with someone else, and then a completely other way with a different person, different friends you can act one way, do something, talk or say something that you wouldn’t around someone else. I don’t want to have a mask here. I want to be open and honest, and truthful. My mom has always told me that I have a sharp tongue. That I’m very blunt. That I don’t know how to control myself or my mouth, how to not say things so rudely and that I really need to just watch my tongue. So be prepared to hear things that are witty, bitchy, and 100% honest. Throughout my life thus far I have learned that in the world, if you are honest, people aren't always going to like it. People will try to argue with you, people will be rude to you, and sometimes being honest and saying the truth is actually worse than it is to lie, and it’s worse because people will be upset with you, because you’ll disappoint someone, and people just might not like what you have to say. People won’t agree with you, and if your opinion is different than someone else’s, then god damn, you are a sinner and the living proof of what is wrong and chaotic in this hell we call earth. I’ve grown up in a world where people always have a cell phone in their hand. If that child is crying, shove an iPad in their face, put a movie on the tv for god sakes, give that child a phone to entertain themselves with. I’ve been in a generation where young girls could be texting the boy that you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with all night long, midnight, 3am up to 5am, and then the next moment they could be laying on the bathroom floor crying, thinking that their life is going to end. I’ve seen friends come and go. The people who you thought were going to be at every milestone. It is SO COMMON to take a phone out and not be PRESENT in the world. WHEN DID WE STOP LIVING LIFE? WHY CAN'T WE EAT FOOD WITHOUT TAKING ITS PICTURE? WHY DO WE HAVE TO GET DRESSED UP AND POST A PICTURE? And you know what, I have had grades been knocked down because someone doesn’t like where I’m from, I have had to stand up for myself and fight for my voice, and in the process I have learned to just shut up and be quiet. To accept things that are not fair. I have learned that no one really seems to care what I have to say, because I am not as smart as that girl who is always in her text book, that maybe I’m not gonna do anything good in the world because I say the word fuck, and Jesus won’t let me into heaven. Why does everyone give a crap about what other people, do say, wear or believe in? Why can't we all just agree not to agree and get the fuck along? And you know what? I never would’ve thought that I would be here in Thailand one day teaching. That I COULD, no: THAT I AM changing the lives of kids all over the entire world, the WHOLE universe. Children from all over the place. Children who can’t speak English. Children who are from Madagascar, China, Japan, Taiwan, Korea, Switzerland, Thailand, Micronesia, American Samoa, Malaysia, Russia, Spain, ALL parts of the United States, east coast, west coast, south, upper, anywhere in between. And you KNOW why? Because I was called dumb, worthless and stupid before, because no one thought I was smart because of how I acted or who I was, or where I came from. And now I’m here. I’m here, in a foreign country, typing, behind my computer screen, WILLING to have people read this, and judge me. To despise me, ridicule me and disagree with me. We're set off to work every day, to be judged, damned and hated by anyone who disagrees with us and then we die. That someone knows something so incredibly right, and you're just wrong. To have someone else's OVER BEARING opinion, being thrown down your throat. I HATE THAT. I hate PEOPLE who think they are always right, that it's this way or the highway. People who make others feel like we're worthless. That humans are not individuals. And being in a different country, seeing their daily life, being submerged into their culture and world, I've seen that being from America gives you such power. If I wave my American passport, I have a get out of jail card. I have a higher power than you. Which is good, I'm blessed, lucky even to be where I'm from. I miss the food and people, freedom, daily life. I wish we could take places and good parts from each country and blend them together to make one whole peaceful, coexisting place. Rant over. SryNotSry.I'm here to show you a different country, not my 4am thoughts. Thailand is a very educated country and even more advanced in some ways than America is in areas. The door to my apartment is programmed to my finger print. It has an alarm system and a touch screen passcode, I pet my door to wake it up. Others, is a giant, old victorian fashioned type of key. Very advanced. Another example, the air train. It above the roads, the building. Its light weight like the max, comes every couple minutes and the tickets to get on is like a key card. Very efficient, good for the environment, and makes commuting okay. There's an app called FoodPanda, and they bring you whatever food you want, right to your door step. From street carts, to high end chains. Thailand still has a hard working ethic value on life. People work on their feet all day, walking around, not really driving or being lazy. There are carts and tents everywhere, with old grandmas and grandpas selling traditional cooked food, clothing, or other goods. There are fruit stands that smell like rotting flesh from being out in the 100 degree heat all day. And some places, honestly, smell like absolute shit. Most people, speak English and take education very seriously. Teachers are looked up upon. Everyday since teaching, I am "Teacher", I don't lift a finger, if I make a print, an assistant goes to get it, if I try to pass out paper to the class, it's taken from me and someone else does it. I can't pick up toys, I can't really do anything beside give a lesson. Like a God or something. I've stayed late planning, printing and preparing and I get thrown out of the building, "TEACHER, GO HOME TEACHER. TEACHER TIME TO LEAVE TEACHER". The grocery stores are very slim. There's no frozen chicken, fresh meat as in Hamburger, Steak, ribs, chicken, microwave meals are NOT a thing, no hot pockets, pot pies. No chip/snack isle, no breakfast cereal or granola bars. No yogurt section. Eggs are left unrefrigerated and come in wild colors like green, or pink, and milk has a SHELF life, and is not refrigerated either. There is again, no hamburger or chicken in the meat section. There is some fish heads, fish skins, some squid, other sea creatures and a whole wall of what looks like hot dogs, but is spicy type of pork chicken packed items, sausage maybe? (Cat, dog, rabbit? IDK). There are even some people however, who can't say a single word in English and look at you like you flew out of the birds nest. But, I miss American food SO MUCH. I just want a pancake or some instant oatmeal, or even mac and cheese, pizza rolls, cheddar cheese. I miss not walking anywhere, I miss not constantly dripping sweat. My feet hurt, I'm tired, these mosquitos are fucking vampires, and this bed is rock hard. Differences are huge between here and America. Is this country any less than the one I'm from though? Absolutely not. However, I do want and wish I was at home. That I got a normal, American teaching job. Right now is a huge, depressing, and major adjusting time. But, I'm getting a masters for this, and it's honestly whats making me hold on. Here are some pictures;
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AuthorMy name's Mykayla. I'm from the beautiful state of Oregon. Archives
November 2019
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