One year ago today, I was going through one of the roughest patches of my life. Heart break.
One year ago, I was living in a brand new, foreign, hot, different, country, where no one knew my language and I was struggling. I was begging for someones love, I was begging for attention, communication, maturity, commitment, plans, a forever. I didn't put value in myself. I didn't think I was enough, or worthy. I hated myself and the situation I was in. I thought I had everything I ever wanted and I left it. For something new, and different. People have told me, "KAYLA WOW, you're crazy for living in Asia, wow as a women, why did you decide to move? I'm astonished that you did this, wow good for you. I envy you, you're so adventurous." I put so much weight on those things, the way I had weight on opinions that thought down on me.. "Wow kayla, you were able to graduate high school" "wow you graduated college" "wow you're getting your masters degree" "did you even go to college" "how are you qualified to be here" One year ago, I was barely eating. Constantly crying. Hating myself. Trying to fit this perfect little puzzle piece to blend in to a family and a life that I was outgrowing. I was shrinking myself down. One year ago, I was a different person. That girl was me. She helped me get here. Now, the things I hear are, "you're different" "you've changed" "you're not the same person you use to be" And bloody hell, thank God for that. I recently got a siccccccck job off in Abu Dhabi, Dubai. A really sweet package. Private car, driver, furnished apartment rent free, teaching primary, learning IB curriculum. One year ago, if you told me I would be thinking about moving to the middle east, I would say you're fucking crazy. One year ago, I was so shy and not confident in myself, not a good person. I was poor. Sad. Depressed. Fat. Now my life is filled with so many good, caring, smart, beautiful people. With endless opportunities. I saw fricking NORTH KOREA from the DMZ. I looked at fear itself. I've seen the end of the road at the white tunnel. Whose to tell me, I can't live in the middle east? Whose to tell me I should be scared and that my life is too fancy? Because I travel? Because I've seen and met people from every part of the world and treat them with respect and love, and use every waking second to learn something new and to become a better person, for myself? That'll be sad to see someone tell me how to live my life. When I've created all of this, myself. Tomorrow, I'm heading to Hong Kong to see my sissy! We're going to THREE countries, and even her coworkers are telling to be nervous, scared, that this is extreme and crazy. Lets build each other up for doing cool shit, and not breaking others down to our own personal insecurity. I have so much value and power in myself. I really like who I am finally. It's a shame that people who use to know me, can't know who this new girl is now. I've changed so much in the last year, I've learned and done, and seen, so so so much. The progress and differences I'll make within the next year, I am so excited to see. 2020- I want everyone to go in thinking and believing that they too, can be a better person for themselves and everyone around them.
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AuthorMy name's Mykayla. I'm from the beautiful state of Oregon. Archives
November 2019
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