To the one who left,I’m mad at you. You really hurt me. I think you over reacted. All I wanted was more than a couple winks and hahas. I wanted a conversation.
I’ve never done casual before. Just serious, long term, committed relationships, it’s what I’m use to. I gave you my heart twice. And all I wanted was to be let into yours. You didn’t even try. You never opened up. You didn’t trust or love or want me there. You said you cared, but so easily you gave up and ran away. You keep running away from things that are real. And it’s sad and cold. I just wish you gave yourself the chance to not be so cold hearted. As much as I thought and imagined something happy and ever lasting between us, it’s not possible. No matter HOW MANY times you said you wanted it, how bad you wanted us to work out and be happily ever after, meant to be, or whatever. No matter what you said to try and get me hooked. Because you’re right-- I want more. I want a real relationship, a strong bond, real deep meaningful conversations, love, accepting, no harsh words or name calling. I never once called you a bad name. Crazy, toxic, immature, dumb, a whore. You manipulated me into believing you were kind and that wanted me. You gaslighted me into believing lies, feeling like shit and second guessing my emotions and feelings. And if you treated me better than "most", I can’t even begin to imagine how you treat and use other women. I really had high expectations for you, for this. For a future, like a true love thing. You put so much effort and time into crafting words to string me along. a 45 minute conversation about living in the same country together? Making plans to be together, talking jobs, plane rides, travel times. I wanted to believe you were the good guy, the one. I believed you'd come back. I wanted this with you, so bad. The love I had for someone I didn't even know.... Love. That's what's toxic. But it’s not me that lost you. You lost me. And I lost this false reality and fake relationship I created in my head. I lost the guy I dreamed was real, who was never really there. So goodbye, Thank you for freeing me and my heart.
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AuthorMy name's Mykayla. I'm from the beautiful state of Oregon. Archives
November 2019
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